Having a baby can be an exciting time, but also one filled with apprehension. Every pregnancy can be different and with all the pressure put onto expectant mothers and new mums it can be very overwhelming. When you add HIV to the mix it can definitely become a time of deep anxiety.
The first thing to do would be to look after yourself in pregnancy. Listen to the advice given by your Midwife but if you are not in agreement and you are unsure about something always ask for a second opinion, and make sure that your questions and doubts are addressed. This is your pregnancy journey and it’s unique to you.
Nowadays being positive isn’t a problem when you become pregnant. Most women worry about issues such as: will my baby be positive? and will the medication affect my unborn baby? Well I can tell you that from my own experience there have been no ill effects on my children’s health. I have had three children since becoming positive back in 1997.
During pregnancy it is crucial to be on HIV medication. The aim is to have an undetectable viral load when you give birth, so the virus cannot be transmitted to the child. Undetectable means untransmittable: and this is true not only during pregnancy, but also for sex when you are trying to get pregnant!
All new mothers experience feelings of doubt. Especially if it’s your first child. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and advice. Babies just need cuddles, love, contact, food, sleep, clean clothes, clean nappies and to hear a comforting voice.
It’s a good process to be able to talk to other positive mothers who have been through a pregnancy and come out the other side. This can help put the mothers mind at rest and give them a more relaxed outlook. If you like the idea of speaking to someone else who has had a baby while having HIV, you could get in touch with us at Positively UK and we could match you with a Mentor Mother, who will support you throughout your pregnancy.
All new mothers experience feelings of doubt. Especially if it’s your first child. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and advice. Babies just need cuddles, love, contact, food, sleep, clean clothes, clean nappies and to hear a comforting voice. Babies bond just as well through bottle feeding as they do through breastfeeding, it’s all about contact, cuddles and caring with mummy’s voice.
HIV pregnancy guidelines in the UK still recommend that mothers with HIV should bottle feed, if possible. Breastfeeding when having HIV, even if you are taking medication and your viral load is undetectable, still carries a very small chance of passing the virus to the baby. If you feel very strongly about wanting to breastfeed, please make sure you talk about it with your healthcare team, as it is important that you and the baby get closely monitored to minimise all the risks.
Once the baby is born you will be spending a lot of time with them. But you must remember that, when a baby is tiny, sleeping with them in the same bed can be dangerous. You can roll and suffocate the baby. It is always best to put your baby in their cot. Room temperature should not be too hot or too cold. Babies like comfortable clothes; you don’t need expensive designer outfits when they are tiny. It’s a waste of money. Just have enough changes of clothing for when baby is sick or their nappy leaks. Trust me nappies often leak.
Once you have had your baby always remember that the community midwife may not be aware of your HIV status. Only let people know information that you are comfortable with. If you don’t want to discuss your HIV status with a community midwife that is your choice. Be firm and don’t feel pressured into any situation.
Sleep is a big factor with a new baby. Sleepless nights are one of the things that you will experience with a new baby. So make sure when you get a chance to take a nap DO IT. If somebody can come along and watch the baby for a few hours whilst you have a lie down this really helps. Babies soon get into a pattern of sleeping more so don’t worry this stage doesn’t last forever.
Just make sure you enjoy every moment as children grow up so fast. Before you know it they are grown up and you will not believe where all that time went!
Let’s Talk Babies — Positively UK’s bi-monthly group for new mothers living with HIV will have an outing to Kensington Gardens on Friday 21 July. If you and your baby or toddler would like to join our group please email firstname.lastname@example.org or call Diana or Helen on 020 7713 0444.
If you are planning to have a baby or are already pregnant and would like a mentor mother to support you in your unique pregnancy journey please email email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org or call us on 020 7713 0444